The real reason men treat you bad and leave

sad woman looking out building window heartbreak

“I don’t get it. I try to be a good girlfriend and give my boyfriends what they want but they treat me like crap and then they leave.”

I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard bright, intelligent women say this. These are women who are loving, giving and obviously want good things in their relationships.

In many cases, the men who leave fall madly in love with and sometimes even propose to the next woman they seriously date.  

If this happens to you, you’re probably scratching your head and wondering “WTF? I worked my ass off to keep that relationship alive. Why does this keep happening to me?”

Here’s the thing that your ex’s next girlfriend (the one he’s so good to now) knows that you don’t.

Men don’t stay with women because they are good to them.
Men stay with women because the women they are with are interesting to them.

There is a big difference here.  

If you are a woman who has been dumped repeatedly or is repeatedly mistreated in relationships, ask yourself these two questions.

Were you good to yourself while you were in that relationship?

Did you get what you needed not just from him, but from life itself?  And did you put those needs first?  

To be clear by need, I don’t mean the need to be in a solid, secure relationship. I mean the need to pursue your own interests, to hang out with your own friends, to build your confidence on your own and do your own thing without him?

I’m talking here about the need to be independent and to be that cool, ballsy woman he thought you were when he first pursued you.

If not, it’s highly likely that he felt either smothered or bored in the relationship.

The second thing to ask yourself is: 

Did you put your relationship needs first in the relationship?

When you were together, if he did something that bothered you, did you let him know and tell him you wouldn’t tolerate it?  Did you make your standards clear to him and then back them up with real actions?

If you let a man get away with shitty behaviour without letting him know there are serious consequences and following up with those consequences in real life, he’ll keep behaving shittily because… why wouldn’t he?

As women we are often the caregivers, the nurturers, and the relationship-maintainers. But men don’t want a mother. (Okay, some do but trust me: you don’t want those men.)  

Men want someone who excites them (and not just in bed). They want someone they are continually fascinated by, someone who makes it clear what is acceptable to her in a relationship, and someone who they feel they have to work just a little bit to keep.

Men, believe it or not, actually like to please their women. But they need to be motivated to do so.  

And unlike women who typically play by the rules of “you be nice to me and I’ll be nice to you in return,” men aren’t so readily reciprocal in their relationships. Instead, they need to prove themselves worthy of you.

Long story short: if you are one of those women who tries really hard to make a relationship work, take a good hard look at your relationship with yourself.

When you put yourself first, men follow.

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8 thoughts on “The real reason men treat you bad and leave

  • December 20, 2017 at 7:28 pm

    “If you let a man get away with shitty behaviour without letting him know there are serious consequences and following up with those consequences in real life, he’ll keep behaving shittily because… why wouldn’t he?”
    …or how about because he’s not a piece of shit?
    Stop giving men excuses and put 100% of their bad behavior only on them.

    I make my standards known when I need to, but shitty men interpret that as drama. A woman shouldn’t have to teach a man to treat you right. She should just expect it for being the beautiful, interesting, intelligent, respectful kind woman she is and if he acts like a shit, she leaves.

    I agree that if a woman keeps tolerating it she’s gonna keep getting treated like shit, but it’s bullshit that a man doesn’t know better to treat her right. If she isn’t that interesting to him and uses her at his disposal then he’s a piece of horseshit. No excuses and the woman is free of all responsibility of how he acted. He chose those actions, rather than him ending the relationship and finding a woman who is more suitable for him. A shitty man will always be shitty.

    A woman who takes responsibility for another man’s actions has zero self esteem, lacks critical thinking skills and doesn’t think highly of men to begin with because she thinks they are just dogs that need to be trained. That is the ultimate insult to men and only lazy, half ass men will tolerate such statements. A real man wants to achieve greatness and shouldn’t have his woman humbling him to be better. She should be his encourager, not his governess.

    • January 20, 2018 at 6:35 am

      I was reading this comment and saying, “wow I love this woman who wrote this!” Then I kept reading and thought this sounds like something I would write. Then I looked and I totally forgot I wrote this comment last month LMFAO! I’m so awesome 👏🏼 👏🏼👏🏼

  • December 20, 2017 at 7:30 pm

    One more thing. If a man ever said to me that he left his last girlfriend because she allowed him to treat her like shit, I would be disgusted.

  • February 24, 2018 at 12:27 pm

    I don’t get this when googling ‘why men would treat women badly’ I was looking for deeper insight into male psychology …Why does Typical Love coach (male or female) have the tendency to guilt women into thinking that EVERYTHING that goes wrong in their relationship is THEIR fault.
    E.g. you were not ‘this’ enough/ you were not ‘that’ enough. Forgetting that it takes 2 to tango.

    Ladies don’t be so harsh and hard on yourselves and your peers!! Seriously, maybe you were too nice so what? Some men appreciate that, other don’t and guess what?? in any case the guy that truly likes you will have a chat with you about it if it bothers him and try to make it work… NOT just jump on the next woman…
    If he leaves be thankful! It’s the universe telling you it was not a good match, learn and move on.
    I am here to tell you BE YOURSELF! Please dont change just to keep a man. If your natural self is to be kind, then kill them with kindness let the bad apples go and stick to the keepers.

    My personal experience:
    I have had men treat me like crap and leave to jump on a relationship with someone else. And everyone kept giving the same ‘you are too nice bs’.
    Thruth is
    1 came back 2 years later crying that he made a mistake and the second one is trapped in an unhappy marriage (seriously no glow on his face, looks sad every time we cross paths and just looks at me from afar)

    Don’t change!! Just let the wrong ones go please!

    • March 1, 2018 at 11:33 pm

      So happy to read this; most people will tell me what am I doing wrong and that really bothers me; its always what do you need to work on, not that I am not willing to look at myself; I am …always..but its also like making the women feel like problem…

    • May 21, 2018 at 9:45 pm

      I agree, so many articles out there saying that its always the womans fault – NOT! There are just shitty men out there with no conscience and just can’t appreciate a good woman when he meets one! THEIR LOSS!

  • June 9, 2018 at 11:31 pm

    Here here!! I just split with a complete dick or should I say a right blooming complicated one. He was a narcissist. Tbh we were sort of on and off. He kept belittling me and trying to tell me how I should be or that I lacked certain characteristics. He didn’t like to be told he was wrong and couldn’t easily admit to being wrong either. Thought he knew it all and if I gave an opinion on something he’d put me down well he tried but I wouldn’t let him. Really got my goat up I can tell you. So I dumped him. He had a pretty bad childhood. Total screw head. Glad I got shot.

  • June 20, 2018 at 6:46 pm

    I agree with the comments before on the whole attitude of blaming the women involved. Why is the woman’s fault for a man’s bad behavior instead of ‘cuz he’s a shitty guy’? We don’t want to be the mother to teach the guy how to behave like a decent human being.

    The reason is plain and simple: all good things in the world are rare and good people are rare too! So you are far more likely to meet shitty men when you are inexperienced. With every shitty guy you met, you’ve learnt to spot them the next time and avoid them like plague. Just keep your head up high, keep going and you will meet a great guy soon!!


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