Dating and relationship advice from someone who’s been there
For as long as I can remember, I have been absolutely boy crazy. When I came out of my mother’s womb and the doctor slapped my ass, I’m pretty sure my first thoughts were, “Oh! You’re a doctor? Hot!”
The average North American has between eight and 11 intimate partners in his or her life. To date, I’ve had two husbands (not at the same time, unfortunately), 32 boyfriends (much to my parents’ chagrin) and have dated over 150 people.
Oh, and I also worked as an exotic dancer for six years where I was paid to be a fantasy for thousands more (yep, mom and dad loved that one too.)
I have two university degrees and a college diploma but when it came to dating and relationships I was clueless. I assumed things about the opposite sex that simply weren’t true. I undervalued myself. And twice, I rushed into marriages – partially because I was afraid to be alone – without really considering if they were the right person for me in the long-term.
When I was married or in monogamous relationships, I dreamt about being single. When I was single, I was clueless.
After my second divorce at the age of 43, however, I was done. I’d spent my last marriage watching single people rock killer love lives on Sex in the City. I wanted my Carrie Bradshaw moment!
And so for three years, I read every book I could find on attraction. I followed the experts and attended workshops and completed programs. I even studied the pick-up artist community to see what they knew that I didn’t.
Along the way, I tried out the techniques I was learning on actual dates – over 100 dates in all.
In some cases, I fell flat on my face, but in others, I soared. About two years into this deep dive, I went on a singles cruise and decided to use it as a sort of experiment– to put all of my new knowledge to the test in one place where no one knew me.
Holy shit! Did that experiment succeed! At one point I had five handsome, eligible bachelors lined up at the dinner table to talk to me (and there were a lot of attractive women on that cruise)! I felt like The Bachelorette and Marilynn Munro all rolled up into one (but without all the cameras, fights and suicide attempts).
It was awesome! From that point on, my confidence with dating skyrocketed. And I started attracting a higher caliber of person to me.
Finally, I was being pursued by multiple, incredible people and navigating dating with confidence, clarity, and ease.
When I expressed my enthusiasm about dating to other singles, however, many were bewildered. To them, dating was something on par with gauging their eyes out with a broken beer bottle. And when it did go right at first, I rarely lasted. Furthermore, rather than experiencing an abundance of quality singles that I was, they couldn’t find decent people anywhere.
Clearly, I knew something that needed to be shared.
And so I started blogging, and creating workshops for single men and women and giving talks about my experiences. Along the way, I got certified as a life coach, and even wrote a book (under the name June Em because I was still working a government job) called Love Lessons from a Lap Dancer.
And, I also met the right person for me.
No, he’s not a doctor (but he does occasionally slap my ass… Sorry, couldn’t resist).
But, he is someone who holds my hand as we explore the world together, someone I love chilling with after a long day, someone who makes me laugh, and someone who makes me feel safe, desired, respected, wanted and capable of anything.
In short, he is someone who loves and accepts me exactly as I am (sordid past and all).
And this is what I want for you. To find this love.
Because damn it, loving and being in love and being loved by a good person– those are some of the best feelings in the world.
And let’s face it the world could really use more love.
If you’re struggling with dating after the end of a long-term relationship, I’d love to see if I can help put you on the right path to the right relationship for you.